You don't reply very often, but when you do it's pure GOLD

In reply to Michael Newmans's stag organising email.

PigBoat ->

Then we need to go to Senoritas, Rags knows he way there with his eyes closed........

Greg - >

He's got an account there hasn't he? Bottle of champagne £200, Bottle of champagne £200, Bottle of champagne £200, Bottle of champagne £200, Bottle of champagne £200, Bottle of champagne £200, Bottle of champagne £200, Bottle of champagne £200, Bottle of champagne ï£200, Bottle of champagne £200, Two Man Tent.

Mr Randall, we think someone might have stolen your credit card.

Rags replied->

Yeah magic plastic is next level!!! At least with magic paper you can run out...

'If I give you some of this magic paper will do a dance for me...? Thank the lord for the goldstandard... who thought it would lead to this...

Dont need the MENA Markets Solutions group to tell me that its not a sound investment, recent extract from FT investments section stated:

'Senorita's has a very low S&P rating, gives excellent short-term yeilds but tends to wreck your finances over the mid-long-term'. Similar cash-guzzling Senorita style investments, or so called 'doris bonds', tend to be in the portfolio of most city bankers and media-types these days, a �100 bond permits the bearer to an instant upward curve which is quickily stopped short of its maximum yeild leaving the owner in state of limbo - this pushes the bearer to invest more in the hope of getting further along the growth curve and to the dividend 'payout' which is possible at the end. Unfortunately this losing cycle continues until said bearer is devoid of any investment capital and the steep growth which was initially felt just leaves a bit hole their pocket. Following a heavy evening of playing the 'doris bond' markets a frustrated investor can be found trying to further diversify his portfolio and spread his risk with further forays into the financial markets quickly buying up 'cold shower futures', 'my wife's gonna kill me when she realises I've just rinsed the rent money at the lappies fund' and 'if I buy lots of beer and spirits and drink them very quickly maybe everything will be ok again bonds'.

Several remedies are being looked at to limit the exposure of western civilisation to this new phenomenon with the most succesful to date being the theraputic use of the 'Nut Card', once in play this card alleviates the need for any doris driven growth and keeps the bearer happy in his own risk protected world. So called Nut-Card guru Gregory Me-Hat Me-Gandi LLoyd has been quoted as saying:

'Its even got better graphics than a PSP'

Recent additions to the 'dors bond' have been made to try and make them easier for investors and much less risky through the 'just remember she's being nice to you because thats her job and she doesn't love you plan' and the recently launched 'if you see her how out in public at a later date and try to spark up a conversation dont be upset when does not remember you insurance'.

Another innovation in the Doris bonds market is a current proposals to get further backing by major credit card companies to offer a new service, the so called 'Erratic spending' card is designed for those people who tend to make extremely random based purchases and tend to invest heavily over short periods in a range of high risk assets (covering 'Doris Bonds' and 'Turbo Shandy options'). This new service permits the owner to complete freedom with expenditure without the so called banking institution stopping the card for fear of it having been stolen and also ensures that all billing is sent to said user and not to any joint account addresses.

U get m'eh.


Babble.