"I Just Had Sex" Lyrics (The Lonely Island)

Here are the lyrics originally written by Adam Rap. Refinement pass by us. Leave a comment if you have any more refinements! Thanks to Anony for submitting the two new corrections we made(see the comments).

- TAE

An SNL Digital Short: I Just Had Sex

.....Andy Samberg
.....Jorma Taccone
.....Akiva Schaffer
.....Akon
.....Blake Lively
.....Jessica alba
.....John McEnroe


[Exterior: Opens to Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, and Akon standing on a platform with New York City in the background]

(singing)

Andy Samberg: Sometimes, something beautiful happens in this world...

Akon: Akon!

Andy Samberg: And you don't know how to express yourself, so...

Akon: And Lonely Island!

Andy Samberg: You just gotta sing.

Akon: I just had sex
and it felt so good.
A woman let me put my pen*s inside of her.
I just had sex
and I'll never go back
to the not-having-sex ways of the past.

Andy Samberg: Have you ever had sex?
I have; it felt great.
It felt so good when I did it with my pen*s.
A girl let me do it.
It literally just happened.

[Shows Blake Lively covering up after sex with Andy Samberg]

Andy Samberg: Having sex can make a nice man of the meanest.

[Cuts to "before" and "after" sex pictures of John McEnroe]

Jorma Taccone: Guess where I just came from.
I had sex.
If I had to describe the feeling,
it was the best!

[Jorma gives a thumbs up as Jessica Alba gives a thumbs down]

Jorma Taccone: When I had the sex,
man my pen*s felt great,
and I called my parents right after I was done.

[Shows Jorma hugging his parents]

[Samberg comes out of a restroom]

Andy Samberg: Oh hey, didn't see you there.
Guess what I just did.
Had sex... undressed,
saw her bo*bies and the rest.

[Samberg does hand motions of squeezing bo*bies while Blake gives him a look of disgust and disbelief]

Jorma Taccone: Was sure... nice of her...
to let you do that thing.

Andy Samberg: Nice of any girl ever.

Jorma Taccone: Now sing.

Akon: I just had sex,
and it felt so good.
A woman let me put my pen*s inside of her.
I wanna tell the world...

Andy Samberg: To be honest,
I'm surprised...
she even wanted me...
to do it.

Jorma Taccone: Doesn't really make sense,
but man, screw it.
I'm not really one to argue with a good thing.

Andy Samberg: She could be my wife.

Jorma Taccone: That good?

Andy Samberg: The best thirty seconds of my life.

Jorma Taccone: I'm so humbled by a girl's ability to let me do her.

Andy Samberg: 'Cause honestly I'd have sex with a pile of manure.

[Shows Andy Samberg in bed with a pile of manure]

Andy Samberg: With that in mind...
a soft, nice smellin' girls better.

Jorma Taccone: Plus she let me wear my chain and my turtleneck sweater.

[Jessica Alba is weirded out by Jorma in his chain and blue turtleneck sweater.]

Akon: So this one's dedicated...
to them girls...
that let us flop around on top of them.
If you're near or far,
whether short or tall,
we wanna thank you all...
for lettin' us f*** you.

Jorma Taccone: She kept looking at her watch.

Akon: Doesn't matter; had sex.

Andy Samberg: But I cried the whole time.

Akon: Doesn't matter; had sex.

Jorma Taccone: I think she might have been a racist.

Akon: Doesn't matter, you had sex.

Andy Samberg: She put a bag on my head.

Akon: Still counts!
I just had sex...

[Shows Andy with two sparkler fireworks, celebrating while Blake has her head in her hand in the background, ashamed by Andy's behavior]

Akon: and my dreams came true.

[Shows Akiva, in tophat, putting gold medals around Jorma's and Andy's necks, and they're standing under a big banner that says "SEX OLYMPICS"]

Akon: If you had sex in the last thirty minutes then you're qualified to sing with me.

People from all over the world: I just had sex...

Andy Samberg: Everybody sing!

Everyone: and it felt so good.

Akon: So good!

Everyone: A woman let me put my pen*s inside of her.

Jorma Taccone: I want to tell the world!

Everyone: I just had sex...
and I'll never go back...
to the not-having-sex ways of the past.

[Fireworks, including fireworks coming out of the crotches of Jorma, Akon, and Andy]

Enjoy!

- TAE