Sunday, March 15, 2009

In Vietnam pregnant brides are considered to be good luck!


In the past, it was shameful for both families if the bride was pregnant before the wedding.Vietnamese mothers are familiar with the phrase: khon ba nam dai mot gio, meaning "a young woman will face a miserable life if she gets pregnant before her wedding." They often teach it to their daughters even when they are little girls.Pregnancy outside marriage was "a counter-symbol to the purity, chastity and beauty of the bride. The wedding gown couldnt hide the swollen stomach.

Now it is becoming a trend as fear of childlessness is forcing couples into conjugal relations early.

Now it is becoming a trend as fear of childlessness is forcing couples into conjugal relations early.
Hai, a worker of Thang Loi Textile Company in HCM City, recently divorced his wife after several years of not being able to conceive a child. In early 2009, Hai married a second time. Before the wedding, Hai’s mother boasted to her neighbours: “My daughter has been pregnant for two months. It’s so lucky!”

Hai’s case is becoming more and more popular in Vietnam as the rate of childless couples is rising. According to doctors of the Tu Du Obstetrics Hospital, cases of infertility are increasing due to men’s loose lifestyles when they are young and women’s poor knowledge of reproductive health.
Going to the Tu Du Obstetrics Hospital with his girlfriend, Doan from Le Hong Phong street, District 10, HCM City, was embarrassed when nurses called him “Mrs. Tuyet’s husband” because they aren't married yet.
Doan said he and his girlfriend had been in a close relationship for four years but his parents wouldn't allow him to marry her till the girl was pregnant.
The parents raised this requirement because the wife of Doan’s elder brother couldn’t have a child to maintain the continuity of his family. This “mission” was transferred to Doan so his girlfriend, Tuyet, has to get pregnant before marriage.
Up to 50% of childless cases are caused by men. But whenever a couple is childless, the wife is immediately suspected. Women suffer losses when they have to prove their “female ability”.

“Women have to face criticism from the public if they get pregnant before they are married. They miss the sweet period of marriage life because they have take care of their babies. Once they look back on their marriage life, they will not see any sweet period in their life,” said expert Xuan Loan from the HCM City Psychological Education Centre.
When a baby is a condition for a marriage, that relationship is an exchange.
“I am a machine to deliver babies to my husband’s family,” a young woman complained on an online forum. Loan affirmed that this wife’s self-respect was hurt.
Yet, not all women understand that by proving their ability to have a baby, they lower themselves.
Having a baby is the wish of all couples but getting pregnant before marriage to prove productive ability is a wrong way. Before marriage, a health-check ought to be enough for both sides.
“Let’s respect ourselves with effective and knowledgeable solutions,” expert Xuan
Loan advised.

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